“Love is the energetic opposite of fear”
Notes on the transition to autumn and resources for self love
4 minute read
Hello friends,
I believe that autumn is a much better time to implement new year’s resolutions compared to January. As we descend from the expansive, action-oriented, energetic high of the summer season, we can appreciate autumn being a season of integration and release. It can also be a season of impending dread, if you are anything like me and experience some S.A.D. symptoms (seasonal affective disorder) in the winter. Nevertheless, autumn is a time of change and movement. Leaves fall, children go back to school, mammals hide food for the winter, and birds start to migrate. Compared to New Years Day in the dead of winter, autumn can be a more natural time of the year to consider making changes.
I hope the summer has treated you well and that you have learned something about yourself or about how you wish to be in the world. As the Earth begins to change seasons, what insights are you taking with you into a time of increasing darkness? And, equally important, what habits or beliefs are no longer serving you, and what would it be like to shed them? How can you simplify your life by releasing what burdens you?
This summer I fell in love with being on a paddleboard.
I spent much of the summer reading fiction non-stop, and now I am turning back to some non-fiction books so I can learn a thing or two. First on my list is “Real Love” by Sharon Salzburg. Sharon is a renowned insight meditation teacher and is partially responsible for the rising popularity of meditation and Buddhism in the West since the 1970s. This is a book jam-packed with insights, and it is taking me forever to read because I go back and re-read the same pages multiple times.
One passage completely stopped me in my tracks. I had to put the book down.
“When we pay attention to sensations in our bodies, we can feel that love is the energetic opposite of fear. Love seems to open and expand us right down to the cellular level, while fear causes us to contract and withdraw into ourselves.”
Now, you must understand that this book is all about redefining love beyond romantic clichés into a concept that is at the heart of all freedom, connection, and generosity experienced in our lives. Sharon makes a convincing case that cultivating love for ourselves, other humans, and life itself leads to a deeply meaningful and healthy life.
If you are feeling stuck, anxious, isolated, or burnt out - first of all, I see you. It is only human to experience these things, and you are not the only human who is going through it. The crazy paradox of these negative experiences is that the more we push away challenging feelings, the less likely they are to go away. We are often afraid to let ourselves feel the true extent of anxiety, isolation, and stress, out of a sinking suspicion that these feelings will consume us.
What if I told you the answer is not running away, finding an escape, or banishing challenging feelings for good?
The hard-to-hear answer is this: we need to open ourselves to challenging experiences and actually feel them. Only then, through this expansion, do our bodies process the emotions and show us the way through. It is possible to open in this way by practicing love and compassion towards ourselves. Sharon said it best.
Practicing love is not easy. It takes a commitment to self-respect. You must have faith that you can survive difficult emotions. Sometimes it takes a commitment to therapy, journaling, or engaging in spiritual practices. Ultimately, “loving yourself is holding yourself accountable to be the best you can be in your life.” (another home-run quote from Sharon).
If you have habits, beliefs, or other inner burdens that are getting in the way of your innate ability to love, or your ability to show up in the world without fear, you may want additional support and accountability as you unpack these obstacles and find a path through them. What better time than the onset of autumn to unburden yourself, integrate summer’s energy and lessons, and make lifestyle changes that support your growth!
Group Therapy
Rachel at Four Winds Therapy (the therapy group practice I joined this year) is hosting a Learning to Love the Self therapy group this fall! You can read more about it here and I recommend emailing rachel@fourwindstherapy.org directly if you are interested in joining.
Individual Therapy
I am a mental health counselor associate serving people who live in Washington State. I am looking to fill some open slots on my caseload, so please contact me if you want to explore how individual therapy could benefit you. If I can’t be your therapist, I can still consult with you about how to find the best provider, what modalities may be best, and answer questions that you may have.
Business email: havenhealingwellness@gmail.com
Schedule a therapy consultation now
Additional Resources about Love
remind me to love by Sebene Selassie is one of my favorite Substacks
Instructions on practicing lovingkindness meditation, the most direct way to cultivate love for yourself and others
From the icon herself (RIP), a song that shares the same title as Sharon Salzburg’s book:
May you be well, and may you be free of what holds you back. <3
Love, Jess
